WHAT ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS???

TRANSPARENCY WEEK (this is long, but it is a GREAT story) 

I am a better MAN and a better FRIEND because of one of my BEST FRIENDS in the UNIVERSE..Derrick Worsley. Little did he know, he taught me one of the most valuable lessons in my life and outside of my FATHER, he's influenced my life in ways he couldn't possibly know until NOW.

Derrick and I have been friends since 1990. He's ALWAYS been a GREAT FRIEND to me; however, there was a time that I was NOT a GREAT FRIEND to him. I was dating a girl in college that I was in love with head over heels. She really had me by the nose (among other things) <<grow up...I'm being transparent>>. 
Well, little did I know, she was cheating on me. I was so in love I was too blind to see that it was happening. Primarily because I didn't want to see it. Well, Derrick, saw it and questioned it. He questioned HER about it. He then came and told me his suspicions and his concern for my well being.

Do you wanna know what I did?? I got mad.......AT HIM. Not only did I get mad at him, I didn't tell him directly to his face, but to our mutual friends. I eventually had a conversation with him about the situation and told him how I felt about his accusations and that he was my boy but just stay out of it. What happened next shocked me and shook me.

Derrick ENDED our friendship. RIGHT THERE ON THE SPOT. He told me point blank that we were NOT friends. I ask why????? He said because as a friend, why would he come and tell me something KNOWING it would hurt me just for the sake of hurting me. What kind of friend would do that?? He expressed to me that he was being a friend by trying to protect me and I didn't appreciate it so I must not appreciate his friendship and JUST LIKE THAT....our friendship was over.

He wouldn't speak to me, answer the phone...nothing. Mind you he was dating one of my best friends (who eventually became his wife) so all of my interaction with him after that was extremely strained and awkward. I was devastated. I was angry. I was like "this is just a misunderstanding, it doesn't have to be like this". But it WAS like this and there was NOTHING I could do about it. I had just lost one of THE BEST FRIENDS I had EVER had.

Well, a month later, I did indeed find out that she was cheating on me....BIG TIME. The relationship ended and I had nothing to show for it. I didn't have the girl and I had lost my best friend. We didn't really speak for over 2 years. It was awful, but it was also ALL MY FAULT. I had no one to blame but myself.

Well, eventually we did talk and he CHOSE (notice the word I used) to forgive me. I carried around the pain of that guilt for years and it has never left me. I was HORRIBLE to one of the people that I KNEW AND HAD PROVEN TIME AND TIME AGAIN that had my back and look at what I did.

Well, his forgiveness and his friendship HELPED MAKE ME INTO THE MAN I AM TODAY. Had he NOT point blank just ended our friendship, I would still be thinking it's okay to treat people like this and think it's okay and that things just go back to normal. It took YEARS before things went back to normal. TO THIS DAY, I use this example in MY CLASSES that I teach on Ethics. Derrick doesn't even know that he's been an example to my students on what NOT to do to your friends. And YES DERRICK, I have talked about this situation A LOT over the last 4 years of me being a professor. THAT'S HOW MUCH THAT AND YOU HAVE IMPACTED MY LIFE!!

I want to PUBLICLY thank Derrick for teaching me that lesson about what a REAL FRIEND IS. I want to thank him for being my friend when I didn't deserve it. I want to thank him for accepting my friendship when he didn't have to. I want to thank him for being one of my absolute BEST friends to this day. I want to tell him that I love you brother with my whole heart and that you are the SALT OF THE EARTH to EVERYONE THAT KNOWS YOU. You didn't deserve what I did to you!! There are not too many people on Earth that are as genuine and as authentic as Derrick. That is the TRUTH. Anyone that is reading this that knows him KNOWS THIS. You have been a great friend to me and you are STILL a great friend. BUT what's more.....you are a GREAT PERSON. THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME GROW UP. THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME UNDERSTAND THAT WHEN YOU SAY SOMEONE IS YOUR FRIEND AND YOU TRULY LOVE THEM....YOU ACT THAT WAY ALL THE TIME...NOT JUST WHEN IT'S CONVENIENT FOR YOU OR WHEN IT FEELS RIGHT.

Here's to you Derrick! Your brother Alvin loves you man!! And I DO HAVE YOUR BACK NOW AND FOREVER. YOU and YOU ALONE taught me how to be a REAL friend. I will FOREVER be that to YOU and anyone else I call "friend". I will forever be a better friend to YOU and to OTHERS than I was to you at that time in our lives. THAT I PROMISE!!

Until Next Time
I am The Sharp One

Sharpen your Edge and your life will never be Dull!

RUDE AWAKENING....I AM NOT IN CONTROL....OF ANYTHING!!!

MOMENT OF TRANSPARENCY

Rude awakening yesterday to make me realize that LIFE can change so suddenly. Former student of mine dies suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 29. SMH

That thing shook me to my core. This was a guy that was in great health (seemingly). One thing that was NOT seemingly was the fact that he was just an OUTSTANDING young man!! Truly authentic and genuine to EVERYONE. Had the type of personality that just drew people to him like moths to a flame. His presence will indeed be missed. His death caused me to think about my life.

At this moment in my life, I have lost communication with 2 people I care deeply about; my oldest godson and my eldest son. Both of them have made choices to stop communication with me and have cut me out of their everyday lives. It was when I made it clear that I wasn't going to tolerate being dealt with or talked to in a manner that is not befitting to me as a Godfather and a Father that I got iced out. I have been blocked and unfriended. I have been shunned and ignored. My calls and texts are not returned or acknowledged.

Did it hurt? Damn right it did!! LIKE HELL!!! I can't tell you how much sleep I lost, how much agony I felt, how many tears I shed. I can't begin to describe the deep anguish that I felt. There is no word that can describe the anguish associated with having your child stop dealing with you. NO WORD OR WORDS! It is a pain that is completely devoid of explanation. However, the only thing that could be WORSE is losing that child.

I almost lost my son in 2010 a few months after my Daddy passed away. It was 2 of the worst weeks of my entire life. He lay in bed with tubes and bags and machines doing all the work for him. It was just awful. God saw fit to bring him out and bring him back to us. I am THANKFUL to God everyday for my son and whether he feels it or not, I ALWAYS have his back because he's my baby. But he's made his choices. He knows full well just like I do that life can change in an instant, but it's his choice.

My Godson (my first and oldest godchild) just decided that he just didn't care about his life or what others felt about his life. He crapped on and manipulated everyone that has tried to help him. As a result, he's homeless and is also destitute. When I tried to talk to him about his issues, it almost resulted in a physical altercation. THAT TOO is a feeling that is indescribable. How is the person that you raised and loved and nurtured now standing looking you in the eye daring you to fight him??? It was just too much to bear. He is possibly looking at incarceration for his actions. These are his choices.

Mind you this is not ancient history. All of this happened to me LAST MONTH with both my son and my godson. Why am I sharing this with you? Well, because yesterday this rude awakening with my former student's death helped to realize just how short, precious and UNPREDICTABLE life can be and is. I will NEVER turn my back on the people I love EVER, but I won't keep putting myself in positions to be hurt or manipulated by those same people. All I can do is be the BEST I can be DAILY. I can't control when people talk to me or if they ever will talk to me again. I had to realize that they know that life is short just like I do, but they've made their choices. They are grown men now. I can't send them to their rooms. I can't put them on punishment. I just have to take what I get....BUT I DON'T HAVE TO ACCEPT WHAT I GET!!! THEY have to live their lives, make their own mistakes, learn their own lessons and walk their own paths. So do I. OUR relationship is not solely MY RESPONSIBILITY!! IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A THING GO RIGHT!!

I have every confidence in the world that relationship will be restored with my babies, but as it stands right now, that will not happen and the choice is theirs. I have accepted that truly. I have moved forward. They've shown me where I stand and where I stand...is where I'll stay. Life is for the living and not only do they have to live, but I do too.

I don't know why I was led to share this but I truly hope it helped someone. Don't feel the need to quote to me or anything. I appreciate it truly I do, but God has given me peace with this. As the father with the prodigal son, I just live and wait....but I LIVE!

Until next time!
Sharpen your Edge and your LIFE will never be DULL!

I am
The Sharp One

WELCOME TO MY LIGHT....MY LIFE...MY TESTIMONY

I been reflecting over my life this morning. I have things I want to accomplish this year. In ONE MONTH I have made drastic and tangible changes to my life in all facets of my life. I am so proud of myself. I am so thankful to GOD for allowing me the time to make these changes and to attempt to be the best version of me that I can be.

I grew up believing I was not good enough, that I was ugly, that I was unattractive, that I was unworthy, that I was unlovable. Those ideas and bad seeds (lies) were planted in my head from MANY sources. They all germinated to create one huge STINK WEED called "my existence".

It wasn't until 2010 that I went from "existing" and I started "living". IRONICALLY, it took the passing of my Daddy on July 1, 2010 to make me really look at ME. That journey took me on a road of self discovery. It helped me build a reliance on God in a way I hadn't before; but it also made ME rely on ME. I realized I had something to offer the world. I realized I had been cheating MYSELF out of getting to know and love me and because of that I wasn't gonna let anyone else really get to know and love me. I was keeping people emotionally at bay and they didn't even know I was doing it. I WAS MY OWN STUMBLING BLOCK.

What a difference 4 years makes!! Once I was suffering in silence putting on a face that I thought people wanted to see but on the inside was slowly deteriorating. I had to find ME. It's funny that people can sometimes see the gift in you BEING YOU before YOU can even see it. It was hard to hear that I was "special" when deep down I truly didn't believe it.

Well now, I DO BELIEVE IT. I embrace it. I embrace me. I love me and I love the God in me and the God that saw fit to make me...ME. ALL of my challenges, struggles and pains have brought me to this very moment. This moment of walking IN THE LIGHT. Walking with LIGHT! Walking INTO THE LIGHT! Basking in THE LIGHT.

I am TRANSPARENT TO YOU most of the time VERY MUCH ON PURPOSE. I know exactly what I am doing and now I understand why I do it. I do it because I want YOU to understand that if I CAN...YOU CAN. I don't mind being transparent if it means it will help someone else. I KNOW that I am not the only one that has thought they were ugly or unworthy, but I MAY BE the only person willing to admit it. I CAN ADMIT IT because it may help YOU ADMIT your true feelings.

My health suffered BECAUSE I wouldn't unmask my pain. In 2013, I gained 25 pounds in 2 months!! I stayed out of the public eye. I isolated myself from everyone. I didn't want to deal with anything anymore. I wasn't suicidal, but I was BROKEN. I went on a Healing Journey in 2013 and what I got from the journey is that YOU can't HEAL if you won't admit to YOURSELF that YOU are HURT, have BEEN HURT or are HURTING. That journey was a setup by GOD HIMSELF!! It was painful, gut wrenching; yet EYE OPENING AND LIBERATING.
Once I did that...I was put on the right path!! I stand now as a HEALING WORK IN PROGRESS. There is ALWAYS progress to be made. I dropped the weight, I came from darkness and TOOK ME BACK!! I TOOK FULL OWNERSHIP OF MY LIFE. So here I stand!!

I am a MAN!! A MAN that is also a HU-MAN!! I have all the emotions that GOD gave me and all the tools HE gave me do what it is that HE has purposed for me. NO LONGER will I EVER feel that I am ugly, unworthy or any other "UN". I will no longer look down! No longer will I run from being the caring, sensitive, compassionate and empathetic man that God called me to be. I am a Father. I am a Son. I am an Uncle. I am a Brother. I am a Friend. One day I hope to be a Husband; but most importantly, I AM ME! I will always look UP! I will embrace my gifts of communication, of music, of creativity to bring MY LIGHT to the world and let MY LIGHT shine. I will NO LONGER dim my light so that a DIMMER LIGHT around me can seem brighter. I will SHINE! I will LIVE! I will LOVE!

This is my STORY. This is my LIFE!

To be continued... (you'll get that double entendre on the way home)

TIRED OF HOLDING MY HEAD DOWN!!!

Welcome to your NEW NORMAL!

When my Daddy passed away in 2010, I really felt the sting and the emptiness of his passing for months; however, I felt it worse during Thanksgiving. It just didn't seem right that he wasn't here. Christmas was even harder. I just wanted to be by myself on Christmas Day 2010.  I just couldn't grasp that he was gone and not coming back, no matter how much I wanted him to.  On March 4, 2011 (his birthday) I felt the pain of not being able to call him and say "Hey there Ol' Man! Happy Birthday".  Then Father's Day came and for the first time I wasn't able to spend any time with him on Father's Day or get him anything.

Then, it was Thanksgiving again. Thanksgiving 2011.  My Daddy was now gone for over a year now. However, this Thanksgiving was different. It didn't feel the same as the one in 2010.  Yes, my Daddy was still not here, but it didn't feel as painful. Neither was Christmas. I realized that I was understanding that I was now accepting that I was in my NEW NORMAL.

It was so very abnormal for my Daddy, who was always so full of life and laughter, to not be around during holidays with all of us; however, I had to come to accept that he's gone, in a better place and wanting me to be happy and carry on with my life. It is now 2013 and my outlook is totally different now.

Do I still think about my Daddy? EVERYDAY!!

Do I still wish he was here with me?  EVERYDAY!!

Have I realized that my life has to move forward?  YES, NOW I have!

Why am I sharing this with you? Because I want you to know and understand that in your life you are going to have a series of NEW NORMALS that you are going to have to accept and adjust to.

• If you are trying to lose weight and wanting to keep the weight off and maintain a healthy lifestyle, you are going to need a NEW NORMAL. 
• If you are dealing and reeling from the loss of a loved one, you are going to have to develop and maintain a NEW NORMAL.
• If you receive a diagnosis from your doctor that will require a change in diet, exercise or medication, you are going to have to develop a NEW NORMAL.

Some NEW NORMALS you are going to have to CREATE.  You want a new job, a new house or new car, you may have to develop a NEW NORMAL to have the funds available to pay for or maintain those things. Creating and sticking to a budget requires a NEW NORMAL of changing and monitoring your spending habits.

I can tell you one thing from my personal experience. If you don't create a NEW NORMAL, you will be set in your OLD WAYS, OLD MINDSET AND OLD SITUATIONS.

We have to constantly create NEW NORMALS for ourselves throughout our lives. Some we can control, others we have to adapt to but in either case, it is necessary for all of us to do.

Now that you have the information, you are accountable and responsible for your actions. So in other words....

WELCOME TO YOUR NEW NORMAL!

Sharpen Your Edge and your life won't be Dull.

I am, The Sharp One

Reflections of the 39th Year

I have achieved a milestone in my life. I am now 40 years
old. This has been a long road to get to this place and I am THANKFUL. I am
thankful to God for keeping me all of this time to get to a place that some did
not see. I thank Him for keeping me sane during times in my life when I truly
felt that I was going insane and wanted to kill myself.  I thank Him for courage and strength to keep
moving forward, even during the dark times when all I really wanted to do was
huddle in a corner and cower from the world.

People do not understand all that I went through to get to
this point in my life.  My existence on
this planet has been riddled with things that emotionally and mentally I just
knew would devour me. I remember vividly being in my room lying in my bed as a
teenager trying to sleep the pain away, only to wake up and feel worse than I
did before and cry for hours, suffering in silence by myself.  I remember feeling so alone that I thought
that if I was to no longer exist, the world wouldn’t have cared.

MY…how times have changed.

The 39th year of my existence brought me to a
place that I never dreamed I would be. For the first time in my life, as I
enter the world of 40, I feel GREAT about who I am and who God has called me to
be. I realize that I went through all of those things for a reason and that
reason was to shape and make me into the being that I am now.  I have learned and embraced the following:

1. I AM A SPIRITUAL BEING WITH SPIRITUAL GIFTS
   HAVING A HUMAN EXPERIENCE…NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

1. I am not nor have I EVER been what other people
   said, thought or wanted me to be. I am the ME that God created ME to be.

1. The enemy worked overtime to keep me believing
   that I wasn’t worthy or that I was less than other people so that I wouldn’t
   realize my full potential.

1. What other people think of me is NOWHERE NEAR AS
   IMPORTANT as what I think about myself.

1. I am responsible for my life and my choices.

1. I cannot make someone be more than they are
   willing to be, and I always have the option to say “ENOUGH! I AM DONE”.

1. Chronology is not a factor in the life of a
   believer. God can use anyone, at any age, at any time, for ANY purpose He deems
   fit.

1. Life is but a VAPOR and can be gone in an
   instant; therefore, I cannot waste time grieving over things or people that
   hurt me or won’t change. I spent a good portion of my life being the aggressor
   and trying to get others to see this, but to no avail. I have now realized that
   it’s not my job.

1. People can and only will do what you ALLOW.

1. It is truly a gift and blessing to get older. My
   grandmother turned 89 on September 19th. My father (R.I.P. Daddy)
   passed at the age of only 67.  I don’t
   know if longevity is on my agenda, but I do know that no matter what, I will
   NEVER complain about seeing another year of my life.

1. Laughter is GREAT. No one can explain it….and
   that’s what makes it GREAT.

1. I no longer am looking for anyone to MAKE me
   happy, because people cannot MAKE you happy.

1. My life matters to God and it matters to others.
   It always has and it always will.

1. God’s FAVOR is better than MONEY any day of the
   week. Favor can supply things that money can’t buy.

1. I am a LIVING, BREATHING, WALKING Testimony!!

Did you recognize that all of the things are #1?? LOL
Depending on the day/month, all of these were #1 at some point. :-)
I have gotten to this point in my life only by the GRACE and
LOVE of God! I don’t know what the year of 40 holds for me, but I do know that
I am walking into 40 with a new confidence, a new conviction, a new determination,
a new focus, a new outlook with new opportunities, new challenges and a renewed
sense of purpose…as a NEW ME!

I celebrate the NEW ME and I hope that through my discovery and testimony that it leads to some of you discovering a NEW YOU.  My goal in my life is to change lives for the positive in any way that I can.  What about you?

Until next time....

Sharpen your EDGE and your LIFE will never be DULL

I am
The Sharp One

I am on the EDGE!!

I am sitting here on the edge....not the proverbial "edge" (as I will explain later).  I am on the edge of a lot of things.
- I am on the edge of the last days of being 39
- I am on the edge of the new age of 40
- I am on the edge of a new business venture
- I am on the edge of a new endeavor
- I am on the edge of GLORY and GREATNESS
This is so exciting...yet, it is unnerving.

Being on the EDGE is a very precarious place to be. You are not really sure of your footing and you don't really have a home; you are perched in such a way that you have a bird's eye view of things that from your visual perspective should be beautiful and breathtaking, but because of your physical footing and position are scary and unknown. Do you understand what I mean? Most people that say that "I am on the edge" refer to themselves as about to break emotionally or snap mentally; believe me when I say that I have been on THAT edge too and even being on that edge, the same things apply.

I had a talk with a friend today that made me realize that I was on the edge of all of these things and while that was an eye-opener for me, it was also a slap of reality right to my face. For you see, I realized that I am on the edge of all of this, but I am NOT MAKING ANY MOVES OR TAKING ANY STEPS BECAUSE I AM AFRAID THAT I AM GOING TO FALL OFF THE EDGE. This was indeed an "A-HA moment" for me. Here is why:


- I am on the edge of the last days of being 39, but if I move I will be in my 40s and maybe that's "old" and I don't want to lose my perceived youth; does that mean that I am too old to do some of the things I like to do, wear what I want to wear, etc. Shouldn't 40 "look" and "be" a certain way??? I ain't ready for that.

- I am on the edge of the new age of 40 but if I move can I really embrace that I am not getting any younger and that I now look at my life with a new vibrancy, yet with the knowledge and the tangibility of my own mortality?? How much longer do I have to live? Do I have regrets? What should I have done or didn't do when I was younger?? How the hell did I even MAKE IT to 40??

- I am on the edge of a new business venture but if I move and make this venture a reality, suppose it fails??? While all of this is in my head, it can be whatever I want it to be, but when I make it REAL, it can fail and I can fall short and I don't wanna fall or fail!!

- I am on the edge of a new endeavor but if I move can I handle the time that is necessary to put into a new endeavor and what will this mean for my future??

- I am on the edge of GLORY and GREATNESS but if I move will I do the right thing?? For that matter, WHO AM I to even be worthy of greatness? Why did God give me all of this to do? Am I equipped to do all that He has placed inside of me?

Yes readers, I AM ON THE EDGE. I am nervous, excited, bold, afraid, optimistic, pessimistic, strong, weak, fortified, fragile....I am all of these things AT ONCE. I am on the EDGE and I have been afraid to make a move. But NO MORE. I am on the EDGE and there is no sure ground. No sure footing. No guarantees. No safety net. I am on the EDGE.

There is no safe road. No map. No guide. No precedent. Just me, God, a wall against my back, the EDGE that I am standing on and the open space beneath me. That wide open space is OPPORTUNITY. It's BLESSING. It's FAVOR. It's PROVISION. It's PROSPERITY. It's HOPE. It's FAITH. It's LOVE. It's GOD.

Yes....I AM ON THE EDGE OF GREATNESS and it is MINE for the taking. So, for me, there is only one thing left for me to do.....


JUMP!!!


Sharpen you Edge and your life will NEVER be dull!

I am,

The Sharp One

If I Died Tonight....

Hello Everyone,
Today is the one year anniversary of my Daddy's transition to Glory with God. Things like that makes a person think and reflect on life and the after life. I wrote this and I wanted to share it with everyone. I want to be authentic and transparent. God Bless you all. I hope that this touches you and makes you also reflect and realize that life is precious and shouldn't be taken for granted, nor should the people around you be taken for granted.

IF I DIED TONIGHT.....

If I died tonight,
what would be left unsaid?


What would remain silent
if I laid down and never again lifted my head?


Would people know what I went through
and how I felt about things?


Or would I leave them in despair, confused and wondering?


I think about my life and death almost constantly,


As I get older I wonder what will be the end I’ll see.


What will happen to the ones that I will leave behind?


How will their lives carry on when I reach the end of mine?


Will Da Babyknow that I loved him and that my life was made complete, the first time that
he called me “Daddy” or when he used to rub my feet?
Will he know that having him as a son was the thing I truly cherished most
and that the love I feel for him will live forever…even when I am a ghost?
Will he know that he made me grow up and be a true man
and be the father that God called me to be and be there to hold his hand?
Be his true example of what being a real man is all about,
the same way my beloved father did for me without a shadow of a doubt.


If I died tonight, what would be left unsaid?


What would remain silent if I laid down and never again lifted my head?


Will Da Monkey know that being my son changed my entire life around?
Will he know that saying “Daddy” to me was an incredible and loving sound?
Will he know that being my youngest son has brought me so much joy
and that without question I loved him astoundingly because he was my baby boy?
Would he know I loved to hear him laugh and talk to him all the time
and that I knew he was destined for greatness because he is truly one of a kind.


If I died tonight, what would be left unsaid?


What would remain silent if I laid down and never again lifted my head?


Would my Bookie, my Boo, my Geo, my Sugarbear and my Puffs know just how much I cared?
Would my Moe Moe know that I pray for him all the time simply because I was scared,
that he will turn into this cold hearted thug and lose his life to the
street. Will he know that I really wanted the best for him regardless what he felt about me?
And what about the godchild Liquey that I didn’t get the chance to know.
Will her father tell her about me? I assume the answer would be no.
Would all of my godchildren know that I loved them as if they were my own
and that the last thing that I ever wanted was to leave my babies here alone.


If I died tonight, what would be left unsaid?


What would remain silent if I laid down and never again lifted my head?


Would all of my sisters know that sometimes I just wanted to break down and scream
and tell them that I love them so much I was bursting at the seams?
Would they know that I am proud of them and that I bragged on all of them constantly
and without them I really don’t know where I would be?


If I died tonight, what would be left unsaid?


What would remain silent if I laid down and never again lifted my head?


Would Brother, Tony and Chris know how much I used to pray
that God would see fit to give me a brother one day;
and the day God gave me them was truly a blessing from above
and that they made me understand the true meaning of brotherly love.
Would they know that even though they’re older, I was always their big brother
standing in protective mode ready to defend them from all others.


If I died tonight, what would be left unsaid?


What would remain silent if I laid down and never again lifted my head?


What would all of my nieces and nephews think that I thought about them?
Would they know that they gave my life meaning and how much I truly adore them?
Would BJ know that Uncle Clint loved him from the day of his birth
and that he meant the world to me while I was on this earth?
Will the others know that I loved them and that DNA is a lie,
because when it comes to true love DNA stands for DOES NOT APPLY?
We may not have shared blood but that really didn’t matter.
When you say “Unc” I bow my head. I am honored and I’m flattered.


If I died tonight, what would be left unsaid?


What would remain silent if I laid down and never again lifted my head?


Would
everyone I left behind, know that all I really wanted to do, was be the best
man that I could be and I tried my best to be true. I tried to be forgiving and
loving and true blue. I tried to be honest, to be caring and authentic too. I
tried my damndest at all times, but there were times I missed the mark and I
made the wrong the decisions, but I still had a good heart. I really just
wanted to get it right and be the best that I could be and be the man that God
had forged and called me to be. Would they know that I lived for others and that
I did that willingly, not for glory or for recognition but because it was just
the right thing.


I know that
it’s inevitable. I am not really afraid to die,


because “dying”
would mean going to see my daddy in Glory on high.


But I got so much living to do, I have so much more to say
before I close my eyes and go to
Heaven one day.


But, If I died tonight, what would be left unsaid?


What would remain silent
if I laid down and never again lifted my head?