Friday, July 1, 2011

If I Died Tonight....

Hello Everyone,
Today is the one year anniversary of my Daddy's transition to Glory with God. Things like that makes a person think and reflect on life and the after life. I wrote this and I wanted to share it with everyone. I want to be authentic and transparent. God Bless you all. I hope that this touches you and makes you also reflect and realize that life is precious and shouldn't be taken for granted, nor should the people around you be taken for granted.

IF I DIED TONIGHT.....

If I died tonight,
what would be left unsaid?


What would remain silent
if I laid down and never again lifted my head?


Would people know what I went through
and how I felt about things?


Or would I leave them in despair, confused and wondering?


I think about my life and death almost constantly,


As I get older I wonder what will be the end I’ll see.


What will happen to the ones that I will leave behind?


How will their lives carry on when I reach the end of mine?


Will Da Babyknow that I loved him and that my life was made complete, the first time that
he called me “Daddy” or when he used to rub my feet?
Will he know that having him as a son was the thing I truly cherished most
and that the love I feel for him will live forever…even when I am a ghost?
Will he know that he made me grow up and be a true man
and be the father that God called me to be and be there to hold his hand?
Be his true example of what being a real man is all about,
the same way my beloved father did for me without a shadow of a doubt.


If I died tonight, what would be left unsaid?


What would remain silent if I laid down and never again lifted my head?


Will Da Monkey know that being my son changed my entire life around?
Will he know that saying “Daddy” to me was an incredible and loving sound?
Will he know that being my youngest son has brought me so much joy
and that without question I loved him astoundingly because he was my baby boy?
Would he know I loved to hear him laugh and talk to him all the time
and that I knew he was destined for greatness because he is truly one of a kind.


If I died tonight, what would be left unsaid?


What would remain silent if I laid down and never again lifted my head?


Would my Bookie, my Boo, my Geo, my Sugarbear and my Puffs know just how much I cared?
Would my Moe Moe know that I pray for him all the time simply because I was scared,
that he will turn into this cold hearted thug and lose his life to the
street. Will he know that I really wanted the best for him regardless what he felt about me?
And what about the godchild Liquey that I didn’t get the chance to know.
Will her father tell her about me? I assume the answer would be no.
Would all of my godchildren know that I loved them as if they were my own
and that the last thing that I ever wanted was to leave my babies here alone.


If I died tonight, what would be left unsaid?


What would remain silent if I laid down and never again lifted my head?


Would all of my sisters know that sometimes I just wanted to break down and scream
and tell them that I love them so much I was bursting at the seams?
Would they know that I am proud of them and that I bragged on all of them constantly
and without them I really don’t know where I would be?


If I died tonight, what would be left unsaid?


What would remain silent if I laid down and never again lifted my head?


Would Brother, Tony and Chris know how much I used to pray
that God would see fit to give me a brother one day;
and the day God gave me them was truly a blessing from above
and that they made me understand the true meaning of brotherly love.
Would they know that even though they’re older, I was always their big brother
standing in protective mode ready to defend them from all others.


If I died tonight, what would be left unsaid?


What would remain silent if I laid down and never again lifted my head?


What would all of my nieces and nephews think that I thought about them?
Would they know that they gave my life meaning and how much I truly adore them?
Would BJ know that Uncle Clint loved him from the day of his birth
and that he meant the world to me while I was on this earth?
Will the others know that I loved them and that DNA is a lie,
because when it comes to true love DNA stands for DOES NOT APPLY?
We may not have shared blood but that really didn’t matter.
When you say “Unc” I bow my head. I am honored and I’m flattered.


If I died tonight, what would be left unsaid?


What would remain silent if I laid down and never again lifted my head?


Would
everyone I left behind, know that all I really wanted to do, was be the best
man that I could be and I tried my best to be true. I tried to be forgiving and
loving and true blue. I tried to be honest, to be caring and authentic too. I
tried my damndest at all times, but there were times I missed the mark and I
made the wrong the decisions, but I still had a good heart. I really just
wanted to get it right and be the best that I could be and be the man that God
had forged and called me to be. Would they know that I lived for others and that
I did that willingly, not for glory or for recognition but because it was just
the right thing.


I know that
it’s inevitable. I am not really afraid to die,


because “dying”
would mean going to see my daddy in Glory on high.


But I got so much living to do, I have so much more to say
before I close my eyes and go to
Heaven one day.


But, If I died tonight, what would be left unsaid?


What would remain silent
if I laid down and never again lifted my head?