Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Reflections of the 39th Year

I have achieved a milestone in my life. I am now 40 years
old. This has been a long road to get to this place and I am THANKFUL. I am
thankful to God for keeping me all of this time to get to a place that some did
not see. I thank Him for keeping me sane during times in my life when I truly
felt that I was going insane and wanted to kill myself.  I thank Him for courage and strength to keep
moving forward, even during the dark times when all I really wanted to do was
huddle in a corner and cower from the world.

People do not understand all that I went through to get to
this point in my life.  My existence on
this planet has been riddled with things that emotionally and mentally I just
knew would devour me. I remember vividly being in my room lying in my bed as a
teenager trying to sleep the pain away, only to wake up and feel worse than I
did before and cry for hours, suffering in silence by myself.  I remember feeling so alone that I thought
that if I was to no longer exist, the world wouldn’t have cared.

MY…how times have changed.

The 39th year of my existence brought me to a
place that I never dreamed I would be. For the first time in my life, as I
enter the world of 40, I feel GREAT about who I am and who God has called me to
be. I realize that I went through all of those things for a reason and that
reason was to shape and make me into the being that I am now.  I have learned and embraced the following:


  1. I am not nor have I EVER been what other people
    said, thought or wanted me to be. I am the ME that God created ME to be.

  1. The enemy worked overtime to keep me believing
    that I wasn’t worthy or that I was less than other people so that I wouldn’t
    realize my full potential.

  1. What other people think of me is NOWHERE NEAR AS
    IMPORTANT as what I think about myself.

  1. I am responsible for my life and my choices.

  1. I cannot make someone be more than they are
    willing to be, and I always have the option to say “ENOUGH! I AM DONE”.

  1. Chronology is not a factor in the life of a
    believer. God can use anyone, at any age, at any time, for ANY purpose He deems

  1. Life is but a VAPOR and can be gone in an
    instant; therefore, I cannot waste time grieving over things or people that
    hurt me or won’t change. I spent a good portion of my life being the aggressor
    and trying to get others to see this, but to no avail. I have now realized that
    it’s not my job.

  1. People can and only will do what you ALLOW.

  1. It is truly a gift and blessing to get older. My
    grandmother turned 89 on September 19th. My father (R.I.P. Daddy)
    passed at the age of only 67.  I don’t
    know if longevity is on my agenda, but I do know that no matter what, I will
    NEVER complain about seeing another year of my life.

  1. Laughter is GREAT. No one can explain it….and
    that’s what makes it GREAT.

  1. I no longer am looking for anyone to MAKE me
    happy, because people cannot MAKE you happy.

  1. My life matters to God and it matters to others.
    It always has and it always will.

  1. God’s FAVOR is better than MONEY any day of the
    week. Favor can supply things that money can’t buy.

  1. I am a LIVING, BREATHING, WALKING Testimony!!

Did you recognize that all of the things are #1?? LOL
Depending on the day/month, all of these were #1 at some point. :-)
I have gotten to this point in my life only by the GRACE and
LOVE of God! I don’t know what the year of 40 holds for me, but I do know that
I am walking into 40 with a new confidence, a new conviction, a new determination,
a new focus, a new outlook with new opportunities, new challenges and a renewed
sense of purpose…as a NEW ME!

I celebrate the NEW ME and I hope that through my discovery and testimony that it leads to some of you discovering a NEW YOU.  My goal in my life is to change lives for the positive in any way that I can.  What about you?

Until next time....

Sharpen your EDGE and your LIFE will never be DULL

I am
The Sharp One

Thursday, September 8, 2011

I am on the EDGE!!

I am sitting here on the edge....not the proverbial "edge" (as I will explain later).  I am on the edge of a lot of things.
- I am on the edge of the last days of being 39
- I am on the edge of the new age of 40
- I am on the edge of a new business venture
- I am on the edge of a new endeavor
- I am on the edge of GLORY and GREATNESS
This is so exciting...yet, it is unnerving.

Being on the EDGE is a very precarious place to be. You are not really sure of your footing and you don't really have a home; you are perched in such a way that you have a bird's eye view of things that from your visual perspective should be beautiful and breathtaking, but because of your physical footing and position are scary and unknown. Do you understand what I mean? Most people that say that "I am on the edge" refer to themselves as about to break emotionally or snap mentally; believe me when I say that I have been on THAT edge too and even being on that edge, the same things apply.

I had a talk with a friend today that made me realize that I was on the edge of all of these things and while that was an eye-opener for me, it was also a slap of reality right to my face. For you see, I realized that I am on the edge of all of this, but I am NOT MAKING ANY MOVES OR TAKING ANY STEPS BECAUSE I AM AFRAID THAT I AM GOING TO FALL OFF THE EDGE. This was indeed an "A-HA moment" for me. Here is why:

- I am on the edge of the last days of being 39, but if I move I will be in my 40s and maybe that's "old" and I don't want to lose my perceived youth; does that mean that I am too old to do some of the things I like to do, wear what I want to wear, etc. Shouldn't 40 "look" and "be" a certain way??? I ain't ready for that.

- I am on the edge of the new age of 40 but if I move can I really embrace that I am not getting any younger and that I now look at my life with a new vibrancy, yet with the knowledge and the tangibility of my own mortality?? How much longer do I have to live? Do I have regrets? What should I have done or didn't do when I was younger?? How the hell did I even MAKE IT to 40??

- I am on the edge of a new business venture but if I move and make this venture a reality, suppose it fails??? While all of this is in my head, it can be whatever I want it to be, but when I make it REAL, it can fail and I can fall short and I don't wanna fall or fail!!

- I am on the edge of a new endeavor but if I move can I handle the time that is necessary to put into a new endeavor and what will this mean for my future??

- I am on the edge of GLORY and GREATNESS but if I move will I do the right thing?? For that matter, WHO AM I to even be worthy of greatness? Why did God give me all of this to do? Am I equipped to do all that He has placed inside of me?

Yes readers, I AM ON THE EDGE. I am nervous, excited, bold, afraid, optimistic, pessimistic, strong, weak, fortified, fragile....I am all of these things AT ONCE. I am on the EDGE and I have been afraid to make a move. But NO MORE. I am on the EDGE and there is no sure ground. No sure footing. No guarantees. No safety net. I am on the EDGE.

There is no safe road. No map. No guide. No precedent. Just me, God, a wall against my back, the EDGE that I am standing on and the open space beneath me. That wide open space is OPPORTUNITY. It's BLESSING. It's FAVOR. It's PROVISION. It's PROSPERITY. It's HOPE. It's FAITH. It's LOVE. It's GOD.

Yes....I AM ON THE EDGE OF GREATNESS and it is MINE for the taking. So, for me, there is only one thing left for me to do.....


Sharpen you Edge and your life will NEVER be dull!

I am,

The Sharp One