Monday, June 9, 2014


Rude awakening yesterday to make me realize that LIFE can change so suddenly. Former student of mine dies suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 29. SMH
That thing shook me to my core. This was a guy that was in great health (seemingly). One thing that was NOT seemingly was the fact that he was just an OUTSTANDING young man!! Truly authentic and genuine to EVERYONE. Had the type of personality that just drew people to him like moths to a flame. His presence will indeed be missed. His death caused me to think about my life.
At this moment in my life, I have lost communication with 2 people I care deeply about; my oldest godson and my eldest son. Both of them have made choices to stop communication with me and have cut me out of their everyday lives. It was when I made it clear that I wasn't going to tolerate being dealt with or talked to in a manner that is not befitting to me as a Godfather and a Father that I got iced out. I have been blocked and unfriended. I have been shunned and ignored. My calls and texts are not returned or acknowledged.
Did it hurt? Damn right it did!! LIKE HELL!!! I can't tell you how much sleep I lost, how much agony I felt, how many tears I shed. I can't begin to describe the deep anguish that I felt. There is no word that can describe the anguish associated with having your child stop dealing with you. NO WORD OR WORDS! It is a pain that is completely devoid of explanation. However, the only thing that could be WORSE is losing that child.
I almost lost my son in 2010 a few months after my Daddy passed away. It was 2 of the worst weeks of my entire life. He lay in bed with tubes and bags and machines doing all the work for him. It was just awful. God saw fit to bring him out and bring him back to us. I am THANKFUL to God everyday for my son and whether he feels it or not, I ALWAYS have his back because he's my baby. But he's made his choices. He knows full well just like I do that life can change in an instant, but it's his choice.
My Godson (my first and oldest godchild) just decided that he just didn't care about his life or what others felt about his life. He crapped on and manipulated everyone that has tried to help him. As a result, he's homeless and is also destitute. When I tried to talk to him about his issues, it almost resulted in a physical altercation. THAT TOO is a feeling that is indescribable. How is the person that you raised and loved and nurtured now standing looking you in the eye daring you to fight him??? It was just too much to bear. He is possibly looking at incarceration for his actions. These are his choices.
Mind you this is not ancient history. All of this happened to me LAST MONTH with both my son and my godson. Why am I sharing this with you? Well, because yesterday this rude awakening with my former student's death helped to realize just how short, precious and UNPREDICTABLE life can be and is. I will NEVER turn my back on the people I love EVER, but I won't keep putting myself in positions to be hurt or manipulated by those same people. All I can do is be the BEST I can be DAILY. I can't control when people talk to me or if they ever will talk to me again. I had to realize that they know that life is short just like I do, but they've made their choices. They are grown men now. I can't send them to their rooms. I can't put them on punishment. I just have to take what I get....BUT I DON'T HAVE TO ACCEPT WHAT I GET!!! THEY have to live their lives, make their own mistakes, learn their own lessons and walk their own paths. So do I. OUR relationship is not solely MY RESPONSIBILITY!! IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A THING GO RIGHT!!
I have every confidence in the world that relationship will be restored with my babies, but as it stands right now, that will not happen and the choice is theirs. I have accepted that truly. I have moved forward. They've shown me where I stand and where I where I'll stay. Life is for the living and not only do they have to live, but I do too.
I don't know why I was led to share this but I truly hope it helped someone. Don't feel the need to quote to me or anything. I appreciate it truly I do, but God has given me peace with this. As the father with the prodigal son, I just live and wait....but I LIVE!

Until next time!
Sharpen your Edge and your LIFE will never be DULL!

I am
The Sharp One

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